Negotiation

NEGOTIATING ADVANTAGE

The best negotiators, are the ones who come prepared. But often, the key moments for negotiation, will arise from unexpected situations, when there's been no opportunity to first assess the situation. It's at times such as these, that a learned negotiator will have mentally prepared themselves to respond in the right way to take the advantage in any given situation.

Negotiations are always charged with emotions. Excitement, fear of the unknown and significance to the negotiator about the desired outcome, can manifest in anxiety.

Anxiety is the achilles heel in the negotiator's armour. Emotionally charged responses will lead negotiations and how we adapt to confrontational situations determines if we emerge as the winner or loser. When we enter into negotiations in an anxious mental state, the brain's responses will be coloured by emotions stemming from our ill-fated fight or flight responses. Our fear of the unknown, can create a state of confusion where we become unable to make decisions, else we panic, resulting either in retreat or a fight response. Anger can initiate irrational responses and never works to the negotiator's advantage – unless it is feigned, in which case the opposite can be true.

The more we are attached to the outcome of a situation, the harder it is for us to objectively negotiate desirable terms. This is why we have lawyers, investment/estate and employment agents acting on our behalf. The agent will also have their own objectives and therefore anxieties for desired outcome, which may not be aligned to our own, so fully trusting in an agent, is arguably little better than trusting in ourselves. We have to trust in our own abilities more.

Confronting Confidence
The greatest power we are able to draw on in any situation, is our self confidence. The continued assessment of our strengths (and weaknesses), will help us to make better decisions in either planned or reactive situations. The mastery of confidence stems from knowing thyself. Understanding our capabilities and defining probable outcomes, comes from experience. We need to practice making daily decisions based on sound negotiation techniques and document the outcomes.

Life is a series of negotiations.
We self-negotiate hundreds of times a day. 

Self confidence comes from measuring our success. To improve our success rates for having positive negotiations with others, we first need to look within. What's our life's successes looking like? How is our health, or relationships and finances? Are we happy, content and living out our true desires?

When one thinks of negotiations, the immediate image that springs to mind, is likely of a meeting room full of people in suits. Yet, the greatest time for negotiation, can be sat cross-legged, eyes closed on a yoga mat or quietly laying down in the moments before or after sleep. These are the times when the 'mind' is in a relaxed state and we can become the observer.

Non-attachment observation for self-enquiry is the most beneficial type of 'meeting' we can have. The many chattering inner-voices we hear at these meditative times, are the unwelcome facets of our personality who tag along in to our negotiations meetings. With so many books, websites and experts listing the tips and tricks for being better negotiators – switching off these voices should be paramount. There are many mistakes to make in a negotiations situation and turning up with a busy head, will allow these mistakes to come through.

Emotional Intelligence
If every action is founded on emotions (either conscious or subconsciously realised), the smartest negotiator will focus on honing their emotional intelligence skills, to better understand what drives people's decisions. The information we need is usually discovered in the gaps between what people are saying. This is where insecurities, agendas and real motives lie.

Negotiation is about finding solutions that benefit both parties. The adversary is never the opposition – it is the situation that's presented. We need to find a collaborative solution that benefits all.

We all have our negotiation styles and may already be aware of typical business negotiation strategies, but how do we apply these techniques to everyday life? Essentially - the key is to listen and observe. From this place, we can learn more about ourselves, our truest nature and from these foundations, are better placed to understand an other's perspectives too.

We all carry emotional baggage whether we are aware of this fact or not. When negotiating life and death situations, FBI hostage negotiator, Chris Voss, knew best how to use 'tactical empathy', to reason with terrorists and bank robbers to help them come to the right decisions and achieve positive results. Mirroring body language and repeating the words of the people we're negotiating with, can help us to align. Being carefully listened to, calmly building up rapport and reinforcing levels of agreement, can also build on trust and people will 'open-up.. Offering up suggestions at this stage, can seed ideas in to the minds of the opposing party, which in turn help create consensus for all.

A polite and humble approach can be key to success, as are complimentary nods to the opposition. Retaining a neutral composure is also a factor. Appearing too elated, overly confident and quick to make decisions, can have just the same negative effect as forceful, over-bearing behaviour. Allowing negotiation situations to flow effortlessly by removing oneself from any attachment to the discussion itself, means tactical suggestions can be boldly offered without fear of rejection.

Usually, the first person to mention money, is the loser in buying negotiations, so asking the other party to give their best price, gets the ballpark figure on to the table. Knowing the desired and best alternative price to pay or outcome in a negotiation scenario, coupled with a calm demeanour and willingness to listen, will ensure the negotiation advantage will be on your side.